Find the River
by winterlit
Summary: Finn finds out where he belongs, and it's in the most unexpected place of all. Ultimately fluffy Kinn PWP with a dash of angst and plot at the beginning. Spoilers for 4x04. Co-written with rainwasheseverythingaway on Tumblr.


Being back in Lima is beyond weird. It doesn't feel like _home _home, and it never will again. Seven months ago, Finn was so familiar with Kurt's routine that he could have timed Kurt's shower to the minute. If, you know, he hadn't had other stuff to occupy him. Right now, he doesn't have anything to occupy him, except study the lines on the ceiling.

At 11:29pm, there's a gentle knock on his - is it even _his_, now? - bedroom door.

"It's open," Finn says, knowing it'll be Kurt. His mom and Burt are at the movies, while Kurt's back from New York so they can all celebrate their parents' wedding anniversary. Immediately, Finn turns his head to the door and notices his brother's slightly quirked smile. Kurt looks a little more hopeful than he did when they'd chatted about Blaine earlier that evening; it's good to see. To Finn's disappointment, Kurt _isn't_holding one of his trays full of delicious snacks with hard-to-say names that were fixtures throughout their senior year of high school.

"Aw," Finn pouts. "No milk?"

"Happy to see you too, big brother."

Finn beams at Kurt's words. They make him feel looked up to, like he can protect someone for once. He pats the corner of the bed and shuffles over a little, making room for his brother. Kurt sits primly, legs crossed at the ankle, and the smile tugging at the corners of Kurt's mouth tells Finn his brother's happy to be there.

"So..." Finn starts. "Are you okay? Better than earlier?"

"Not quite," Kurt says, foot tapping a little against the carpet. "Getting there, I suppose. You?"

"All about the getting there, man," Finn responds, feeling a little awkward as they lapse into silence.

The silence itself isn't awkward; Kurt and Finn have always communicated without words. No, what is awkward is Kurt's posture. Kurt looks like he's trying to fold in on himself a little. The smile from earlier has faded, and... oh. Finn _knows_ that look. It's the one Kurt wears when he's stressed-out, and a little heartbroken. Ever since they danced together at their parents' wedding, Finn told himself - and everyone else - he would never, _ever _ignore that look on his brother's face again.

"You want a goodnight hug?" Finn asks, because in his book, hugs don't solve everything but they definitely soothe. Kurt could do with a lot of soothing. "C'mon!" he says, then turns to Kurt with a pout because he knows that's Kurt's kryptonite. "Just a little one?"

"You don't give _little _hugs."

"Can't help it," Finn says, waving his hands in front of his chest. "Everything about me's big."

At Kurt's wide eyes, Finn's stomach flips a little. He's so awful with words. He should just write everything down on those notecards Kurt used to use when he was studying for tests. Finn waits for Kurt to make some sort of smartass comment at his unfortunate choice of words, but none arrives. Blaine Anderson cheating on Finn's freaking _brother _has taken away some of Kurt's lighter moments; he doesn't joke as much these days, and Kurt's sense of humor is something Finn never, ever wants to see erased.

Hell, Kurt's so awesome Finn doesn't think there's a single _part _that should be erased.

Kurt shifts on the bed a little until he and Finn are pressed thigh-to-thigh; there's so much warmth from where Kurt's leg is flush against Finn's. Kurt doesn't say anything, but slides his arm around Finn's back. Finn returns the gesture, pulling them a little closer, still. Connected.

"I am so _proud _of you, Finn," Kurt says.

"You _are_?" Finn replies, his heart sinking a little. Kurt's being kind with the words, but it's completely out of the blue and also depressingly inaccurate. "I can't think of a single thing I haven't messed up."

At that, Kurt's silent for a while. That's always a really, _really _bad thing.

"Yeah. 16 days," Finn says, filling the silence. "I hear that's some kind of Army record." It's childish and petty, but whatever. He gives Kurt a cheesy thumbs-up gesture with his free hand and scowls so hard he can feel the frown appear on his face. "Guess I'll always have issues with _shooting off too early_. Yay me."

"Disgusting. And also not what I meant." Kurt's voice lowers a little and he removes his hand, shuffling around so he's cross legged. "Look at me, Finn." With a huff, Finn mirrors Kurt's position, unable to look his brother in the eye. "You didn't lie to yourself. You didn't lie to Rachel. That takes a lot of maturity. You told me earlier this evening that I don't belong in Lima, but Finn, can't you see it? Neither do _you_. This is just a sabbatical."

"I don't even know that that means."

"A little break to figure things out," Kurt says; unlike Rachel, he's not brisk and stern when he corrects Finn's use of words. "So we can find _your_ new direction," Kurt muses, then snorts. "Good _god _that was tacky."

Huh. Kurt said _we_, but then Kurt also missed the point. "Yeah, but... that was what I tried to do," Finn explains. "In Georgia."

Stupid, sweaty Georgia. Finn's pretty sure he doesn't want to eat anything peach-flavored for the rest of his miserable life. Hell, he'd probably turn down a slice of Kurt's pecan pie right now.

"God," he starts, "I... where do I belong? Huh? Not here. Not New York. Not Georgia. So where the hell do I go from here, Kurt?" he says, his fist hitting Kurt's chest weakly as he names each place, trying to punctuate his frustration, his disappointment. "I can't. I just _can't_," Finn repeats, burying his face in the fabric of Kurt's shirt.

"Ssh," Kurt says, kneeling forward. He extends his arms. "Come here."

Finn instantly shifts forward and lets Kurt fold his arms around him. Finn's chest feels so tight, like the skin that's stretched over the drums he missed playing so _damn much_, and he focuses on his breathing, long and deep, until he's a little calmer. Maybe it's the silence, maybe it's the steady pound of their heartbeats that grounds Finn somehow, but with him and Kurt, it's always okay to... well.

Admit they're _not_ okay. Admit that life just _sucks_ for the both of them, everything always ripped away just as it starts to get _good_.

When Finn pulls away, his brother's eyes are a little watery-looking, and he adds a high-pitched little sniff. It's not the New York version of Kurt that's staring back at him, the one who looks a little like a young, gay James Bond. The Kurt kneeling in front of him still seems to be fighting off the last dregs of being a kid, even though in a few months he'll leave his teenage years behind.

"Seriously," Finn says. "Where do I belong?"

"Right now? Here," Kurt says. "With me." There's a chuckle, and Finn instantly feels a little better because snarky Kurt's making a comeback. "Oh my. This _really _feels like the worst kind of after school special."

Finn doesn't watch the kind of shows that _have_ after school specials. Maybe 'Degrassi' which Quinn used to make him watch with her when he was, what, fifteen? _Fifteen_. It feels like a lifetime ago. Getting to touch Quinn Fabray's boobs over her soft sweater was his biggest ambition. He was such a naive kid he wanted to believe he could have knocked her up so _badly_, just before everything started to hurtle towards hell.

"Man. It's like you're... the one good thing I have left, sometimes," Finn says. "And you're not even _here_, you know, all the time. You're not at the other end of my hallway, now, and it fucking _sucks_."

"If you ever, _ever _need me," Kurt says. "I have a credit card. I can take the red eye. No, really, I do." He gestures in front of his face, eyes wide open. "Who knew it was literal? I look like Droopy."

"Hey, no. No. You look great." Finn swallows. "If you ever... need the same. I can sleep on the couch, or find some dive. Always." He looks at Kurt, who's raising an eyebrow, looking like one of his mom's cakes when it's sunk in the middle. "I really like the new hair. It's neat," he says, gesturing at Kurt's hair. "Can I?"

"Oh. Sure," Kurt says. Finn slides his hand behind Kurt's back and slides it up, until he's lightly circling his thumb around the soft hair at the nape of Kurt's neck. Kurt must have taken a shower before bed; his hair's super soft and fluffy. "If you want, that's... mm."

"Nice?" Finn laughs, adding his other hand into the mix until he's pretty much giving Kurt a scalp massage, tugging the strands slightly with the tips of his fingers.

"_Lovely_," Kurt says, the word dripping off his tongue as he makes a breathy little groan and tilts his head back.

Kurt's eyes are super wide, and Finn swears his brother's bottom lip is wobbling a little. It looks a little chapped, which is sort of unfair when Kurt spends so much of his time being all primped and fancy and _recommending _people lip chap brands. Kurt's still making tiny little groans as Finn rubs at his scalp, and it makes Finn feel warm inside. It's awesome that Kurt trusts him enough to let Finn comfort him like this.

On instinct, when Finn trails his right hand through Kurt's hair, he slides it down, cupping the back of Kurt's neck. His hand's large enough for him to feel an echo of Kurt's pulse behind his ear, and there's a light scratch of stubble on Kurt's jaw. When Finn runs his knuckles gently down the side of Kurt's neck, Kurt's shoulders raise as he shudders out a breath.

_Too much for him_, Finn thinks, slowly sliding that hand, and his other, to rest on Kurt's shoulders. Which aren't as narrow as Finn remembers them being.

"You're, you know, kind of filled out. You work out over the summer?"

"No," Kurt says. "Ground a lot of coffee beans. Maybe that's it? And me? Look at _you_! Nice work on the guns." Kurt's breath stutters out and his hand flies to cover his mouth. "Oh, oh god! I am so, so sorry."

"Nah. That's actually pretty funny," Finn says. "My life's a bit like one of those slacker comedies right now, and if I can't laugh, I kind of... you know, the opposite of that, and... yeah."

There's a mischievous glimmer in Kurt's eyes when he looks at Finn, and Kurt's eyes are almost as bright as the grin that flashes across Kurt's face.

"We're a pair, aren't we," Kurt says.

"Yeah. We are." Finn's chest feels a little tight as Kurt's looking at him, the skin around his eyes crinkling a little. "You know, have to know, that... not talking to you pretty much killed me. Almost as much as not talking to _her_."

At that tone, the look of... _love_, Finn guesses, something seems to shift. It's not something Finn can put into words - when has he ever been able to put _anything_ into words - but he wants to touch Kurt a little more. Soon, one of his hands is firm against Kurt's back while the other rests on his shoulder. It's so comforting; he feels so safe, and as he shuffles a little closer so their noses are almost touching, there's a brief flitter in his mind that Finn could kiss Kurt like this. That he'd actually really _like _to kiss Kurt.

"Finn?" Kurt says. His voice is so, so soft and careful. "You're shaking."

"Oh. I am?" Finn scoots back a little, and Kurt's eyes are so wide that Finn's a little concerned. It looks kinda painful. "Yeah. Uh," he glances at his hands for confirmation. "Yeah. I guess I am."

Finn's blood feels like it's trembling through his veins. Kurt's lips look full, and plump, and _god _they'd feel soft against his. He licks his own, and leans in a little further, until his lips rest lightly against Kurt's cheek. They rest so lightly Finn can't taste, or know, how the skin there feels. Kurt makes that same breathy little sigh he made earlier so feeling a little bolder, Finn scatters a few more kisses across Kurt's cheek. Finn's lips go sort of tingly at the sensation, and he pulls back, giving Kurt a smile that he hopes will tell Kurt the words he's scared to say.

"Oh. Oh no," Kurt says immediately, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is _wrong_. This is _not _the answer."

"I... yeah. You think?" Finn raises a hand to scratch at his own head; his hair's just long enough for him to tug his fingers through, but not quite long enough to stop making him look a little less like a freaking Q-Tip. "It's... it's _you_, Kurt. It seems kinda _right_."

There's _definitely_ interest in Kurt's expression, even while he's shaking his head and pulling away. "There was a time," he starts, "when this was everything I would have wanted. You are _hot_, Finn. You're special. I care about you so, _so _much. But there are a multitude of reasons why this is a very, very foolish idea."

"Do you think I'm..." Finn spits out his words a little, because god, he's put everything on the line and it doesn't seem like Kurt's on the same page. "Desperate? That I just want to mess around with someone?"

Kurt shakes his head. "You'd only need to snap your fingers for, I don't know, Tina or someone to.."

"Tina likes _abs_," Finn points out. "Everyone. They're all about the abs. No, I don't _need _to mess around. I want..."

"Finn Hudson," Kurt responds, the name rolling off Kurt's tongue like angry song lyrics. "You don't know _what _you want," Kurt says, and those words would sound so cold, would be so cruel coming from anyone else, but Kurt's just concerned.

"I want _this_," Finn counters. "Do you even think about me like that now? At all?"

"Not when I'm _with _someone," Kurt says, eyes locked on Finn's.

"Oh. You think it'll hurt your chances getting back together with Blaine?"

Kurt shakes his head. "No. We're done. As that dreadful Taylor Swift song states, we are never, ever, _ever_ getting back together. You're always telling me that _I_ matter, Finn, but you do, too. So does Rachel. Rachel is my _best friend _and I have to look out for her, too. If we do this, do you ever think she'd take you back?"

"Probably not, but Rachel wants Brody," Finn tuts. "She wants guys who run every morning. And night. And afternoon. Guys who are better singers. Better dancers. Better goddamn _people_. If it's not Brody? It'll be some other guy from NYADA. Smart, and talented, and... what the hell can I do to ever compare with that?"

"Brody," Kurt smiles, "would not split an entire cheesecake with me. Brody didn't stay up until three am to try and sew a replica Lady Gaga dress to show he wasn't afraid to stand up for me. Brody's not someone who'll lick cake batter out of the bowl with me. He doesn't know about stashing the junk food to hide it from my dad, or movie musical Mondays. Brody doesn't give me back rubs which are so good I'd pay," Kurt chuckles. "And just between us? He likes N'Sync and Hanson, and not an ironic way."

"Who's Hanson?" Finn asks, then takes in Kurt again. "God, you really do look great. No, _great_ isn't... you're..." God, Finn hates how bad he as it saying what he's thinking in a way which doesn't just suck. "You're _hot_."

"This is so _weird_," Kurt murmurs as he shuffles forward a little. "So, so weird."

"Weird," Finn echoes. "But weird can be good, right?"

It feels like Finn's in one of those bad romance novels his mom likes to read. Like this, Finn can take Kurt in and _god_, admitting Kurt is hot has opened the... floodgates, that's the word, to realizing that it's _love_ that's pulling and tugging at him. Sure, he'd thought Kurt was cute. He'd occasionally joked to the guys in Glee that it would actually be kind of cool if he liked guys because Kurt would be an _amazing_ boyfriend. There's a flush at the top of Kurt's cheekbones - when the hell did Kurt even _get _cheekbones - and a couple of freckles across his cheek Finn's never been close enough to see before.

"Are you sure? Because I swear to god, Finn, if you even-"

"No! I'm not..." Finn takes a deep breath that doesn't get anywhere near enough oxygen into his bloodstream. "Not like I was in high school. I just... look, can I just... will you _let _me do this, Kurt. Please?"

Kurt nods, eyes wide open then his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. His eyes look a little... what was that phrase in one of those awful dramatic monologues Rachel used to recite when she rehearsed for community theater auditions? Lust-blown? That's it. Kurt's eyes are lust-blown.

There's something really sort of awesome about Kurt's neck that's drawing him in; it looks so pale, so soft, and Finn wets his own lips with his tongue before swooping in and pressing his nose against it, inhaling deeply. He wraps his hands around Kurt's back, rubbing the line of his spine while he gets used to the change in intimacy between them. Kurt smells so amazing; he's all shower clean, a little bit spicy, with a hint of his cologne. The fact that Kurt wears cologne to _bed _is just another of the tiny things that add up to make him absolutely amazing.

"Oh," Kurt breathes out, shuddering against Finn's chest. "Oh, mm."

Out of the corner of his eye, Finn can see Kurt's mouth hanging out a little as he starts to tongue up Kurt's neck. He breaks contact just long enough to blow a cooler puff of air on the spit-damp skin there. Before long, Finn's pushed Kurt down onto the bed to scatter a trail of sloppy, open mouthed kisses all along the column of his neck until he can see the shimmer of his kisses in the room's dim light.

"Ah, Finn, don't-" Kurt scrambles his arm a little and holds Finn's wrist. Finn's eyes widen a little; damn, his nails are kinda sharp. "Don't stop. That's, _oh_, that's wonderful."

"Yeah?" Finn says against Kurt's neck. Experimentally, because it's awesome to tease all these little noises from Kurt now that his guard's down, he tries biting. He's gentle, not wanting to bruise the surface of Kurt's smooth, wonderful-smelling skin.

Soon, Kurt's shifted so he's at the head of the bed, groaning as Finn's got one knee between Kurt's slightly-parted legs, hands clutching at Kurt's hair as Finn nibbles on his exposed collarbone. Thank god for loose sleepwear. Finn has so much... access without Kurt removing even a single layer. Finn's other hand rests on Kurt's chest, feeling it rise and fall under his palm. Every now and then, he looks to Kurt's expression. His eyes are closed tight, but Kurt's absolutely digging it. He's panting, toes clenching. One palm's tapping a beat against the bedsheets, his other clenched tightly in the fabric.

"Do you want me to..." Kurt says, sounding so shy as Finn kind of hovers over him, thighs on either side of his legs.

"Ow!" Finn says, somehow managing to hit his bad thigh. God, this is _not _a time for him to be clumsy. Kurt's looking at him with intensity; his lower lip is a little raw; Finn figures Kurt's been chewing the skin there. "Maybe I should..." Finn starts, laughing a little in the hope it hides his nerves. "Ah. Take off my pants. They kind of chafe when I move around, so..."

Kurt raises his eyebrows and huffs out a breath. "Now isn't _that_the oldest trick in the book. Is your leg..." He wrinkles his nose, and looks a little apologetic.

"It's not super gross," Finn responds. He bounces off the bed landing hard on both feet to prove his point, then rolls down his pajama pants, hissing a little as they brush his scar. He was damn lucky; it's healed up pretty good, but Kurt still winces. "See? It's only, like, the size of a dime. It's not some ugly flesh wound."

"Thank you, Finn. Thank you for mentioning an _ugly flesh _wound while you're necking with me."

"Sorry."

Kurt's eyes scan up Finn's legs as he bites tightly on his lip. Kurt's cheeks are so flushed Finn just wants to cup them in his hands and see if they're as warm as they look. He folds his hands over his chest a little. Defensive. What if Kurt doesn't like what he sees? Blaine is _built_. Tiny, but _built_. Finn can't live up to that.

"I'll take this as..." Kurt trails off, and his eyes are very much not on Finn's face. God, he's a little perv. "As far as you're willing to go." Kurt's fingers are clenched in the sheets, and he looks so _nervous_. Surely it's not Kurt who should be having some weird gay sex freak-out? "At any time, tell me. If you want to stop."

Finn shakes his head and kneels on the floor, Kurt facing him again. Kurt's legs are crossed at the thigh, and then the ankle, and _god _they're long.

"As..." Finn's voice shakes out. "As far as I'm willing to go. Okay."

"Well, then." Kurt tilts his head up the smallest of inclines and sits on his hands. "Pucker up, brother," he flirts, and oh, geez.

Yeah, _no_.

"Can you _not _call me... that. When we're doing," Finn waves a hand down his body. "This. Like, ever."

Kurt nods. "Yes. You know I only mean it as a term of endearment, but it _is _a little icky."

Unlike this, Finn thinks. He barely manages to stop himself saying those words as he joins Kurt on the bed and places his hands on Kurt's shoulders. Finn leans down, pressing their lips together with the barest of touches. He pulls away, and the pair of them stare at each other, connected in an entirely new way. It's a good minute before Finn's leaning back in and kissing Kurt again. It's slow and sweet and gentle. Then, suddenly and so unexpectedly it pretty much knocks the wind out of Finn, Kurt makes a feral little growl and fists his hands in the fabric of Finn's shirt. He sort of drags him down onto the bed with him, until Kurt's on top.

"Ow!" Finn says, weakly slapping his hand against Kurt's hip as Kurt's movements brush his thigh. That's not gonna work. "If you take off your pants, you could kinda, uh, straddle me? Without getting my leg in the way, you know?"

If the groan Kurt makes is any indication, he really likes the idea, He climbs off Finn briefly and, on his back, lifts his hips and slowly rolls his yoga pants down. Good god, Kurt is beautiful. Kurt's hipbone is pretty much begging to be licked, and christ, his loose sleep shirt is riding up a little as he takes off his pants, and Kurt has abs. How the _hell_did Kurt Hummel get abs?

"You are so hot," Finn says, in awe. How the hell did his brain not notice this was under his nose, at the other end of his freaking _hallway_for so long?

"Hm. And I expect you want me to _apologize _for that?"

Finn shakes his head. There's really nothing Kurt should be sorry for. Screw Rachel, and screw Blaine, because he should have done this a heck of a long time ago. Kurt straddles Finn again, kissing him hard and deep before shifting down until his ass is rolling against Finn's erection. Kurt's so hard and hot when he leans forward a little, pressing their bodies tightly together, moving his lips across in a messy streak to mouth at Finn's neck. Kurt shifts his angle so his hard dick's grinding into Finn's leg over and over, and if he did that against Finn's own dick, Finn is pretty sure he'd be coming in ten seconds flat.

"Tell me what you want," Kurt breathes out, nipping at Finn's jaw.

"God, I..." Finn starts, trying to put what he want into words. It's not like he's done this before, but what's a nice way to ask Kurt to, oh god, with how wet and soft Kurt's mouth is, he'd really love Kurt to blow him. "I..." his mouth hangs open a little.

Kurt cups Finn's jaw and then gently rubs his thumb over Finn's mouth to distract him. It totally works; he sucks Kurt's thumb in his mouth, the skin there slightly salty against his tongue. Finn's cheeks hollow around it, and he looks at Kurt's expression. Finn nods at Kurt, barely feeling his neck move, and Kurt's thumb is joined by two of his other fingers, Kurt gently playing at fucking Finn's mouth. Finn squirms, and Kurt's eyes fly open at the moan that pours from his lips. Finn goes with it, sucking and licking at Kurt's long, slender fingers until they're so damp he can feel his own spit on his face and they slide smoothly, in and out of his mouth.

"Finn," Kurt asks. "Are you really liking this?"

Finn nods back at him, raising his hips a little when Kurt's thigh slides against his dick. Instead of pulling away to reply, he sucks slightly harder.

"Would you... be willing to try something else?"

Finn reluctantly pulls his mouth away, after whimpering around Kurt's fingers because god that was unexpectedly hot. "Like what?" he asks.

"Like. Well. For me to do _that_... elsewhere?"

"Uh... Like where?" Finn says, having an idea of what Kurt's talking about, but _damn _would he be embarrassed if he were wrong. He tilts his head up, kissing Kurt's throat again and nipping the skin there gently, rolling it between his teeth as lightly as he can, and maybe he's being a little bit of a tease but getting Kurt to say something really dirty will have him even harder. Though given how his dick's straining against his underwear, Finn's pretty sure that's not possible.

Kurt sighs against Finn's chest and pulls his head up, until they're face-to-face again. "You said before that you were... willing to take this as far as it would go. Do you still mean that?" Kurt asks, at which Finn nods, feeling the breath knocked out of him as Kurt's hands slides under his shirt and rubs at his bare chest. He gasps as Kurt's spit-slick fingers lightly skirt his erection and side between the crease of his thighs before they rest at his asshole.

Okay, Finn kind of _knew _that was what would happen, but it shocks him a little because it's weird. It feels... well, strange and different, but also kinda good. Gasping, Finn looks back up at Kurt as Kurt's fingers just rest there, pressing lightly at his opening.

"Are you okay?" Kurt says, removing his hand, the elastic of Finn's underwear snapping back lightly against his skin. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Nah. I'm good," Finn says, and there's such concern on Kurt's face it instantly makes Finn feel better. "Just not used to it?"

Kurt's smile quirks up a little. It's a small gesture, reassuring and beautiful and he lightly pushes Finn back down on the bed. "Alright. Relax, okay? If you want to stop, if you want _anything_, just tell me."

Finn nods back against the pillows for probably the millionth time, and Kurt leans in to kiss him lightly, trailing more down his neck, pulling his shirt up to continue down his chest, until Finn's flushed and panting. When Kurt looks up at him, his eyes are this stunning shade of steely blue-gray, and _god_ he's beautiful. Finn nods, gently running the tips of his fingers through Kurt's hair. He's _so _ready for this.

"Yeah. Okay, I can, um. Woah."

Between kisses, Kurt's laughing softly, nipping just above Finn's belly button. His fingers deftly slip between Finn's thighs, tracing back upwards then down again, teasing, but it's just what Finn needs to relax, to let him get used to being touched.

Finn's whole body shivers, his nipples tightening against his chest, and he has to close his eyes. The look on Kurt's face is so hungry, so _hot_, it'll have him coming in a minute.

"Take your shirt off," Kurt commands, tugging at the hem, and somehow, Finn does.

God, he's nervous. Finn kind of doesn't walk around in clothes that hug his body, like Kurt does. Finn kind of hates his body, sometimes. What if Kurt doesn't like what he sees? What if he's expecting rock-hard abs and bulging biceps and so much _more_? While Finn's distracted by his own thoughts, Kurt's hands move to his stomach to gently tug Finn's underwear down. The cool air hits his skin where he was clothed before, and he knew he was turned on but he looks down and _woah_, the head of his dick is so wet, small drops of clear liquid beading at the tip.

Kurt sighs, and licks his lips at the sight of him. Finn closes his eyes, because while he's tempted to keep on taking a peek, he's too nervous to see. He takes a deep breath as he feels Kurt shift away from him and hears the bed creak a little, then the squeak of his drawer opening, and a rustle as Kurt searches for the lube Finn keeps in there. The pause in the proceedings makes Finn's heart feel like it's trying to beat itself right out of his chest and he takes another deep breath, trying to calm himself as Kurt's slick, sweet mouth trails up his hip and Kurt's tongue slides across, just flicking past Finn's belly button before dipping in the indent there.

The popping noise of Kurt opening the lube is pretty tell-tale, and soon Kurt's fingers are back. They're slightly cool, and really slick, and Finn squirms down, rolling his hips as they slide down the crease of his thighs.

"Ssh, it's okay," Kurt says, his breath warm and tickly soft against Finn's stomach, a nice counterpoint to the barely-there scratch from Kurt's end-of-the-day stubble. Finn huffs out a breath as Kurt keeps kissing his thighs, fingers just pressed against him. Kurt's mouth slides further across until he's nuzzling the base of Finn's dick. Eyes still closed, Finn flings an arm over them as he's pretty sure he'll press down on Kurt's head in a minute. And that's way beyond rude.

Kurt still hasn't said anything about what he's seeing, and Finn slowly lets his legs fall open, mentally bracing for some kind of comment about his weight or something.

"You know, there was a time when I thought your insecurities came from _lacking_ in this department. I guess I couldn't have been much further off base on _that _guess," Kurt says.

Blushing, Finn tries to shut his legs again, but Kurt's other hand on the inside of his thigh stops him.

"Don't do that. You're _gorgeous_, Finn. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make that sound so backhanded. Let me make it up to you?"

"Oh, _god_," Finn says. "Kurt, _oh god_," because Kurt's warm, gorgeous mouth is licking the tip of his cock like some sort of reward for them both, and Kurt's finger feels a little blunt and so slick, the tip still pressing there and rubbing a little on his perineum but still not slipping inside. Biting his lip, Finn can't stop moaning, and he tries not to tense up. He's pretty sure if he's tense, it won't feel good, and everything Kurt's done so far as been amazing.

"Hm?" Kurt hums around his cock.

Finn just moans louder, shifting his hips up so Kurt's taking a little more of him into his mouth. He loses himself in the soft pleasure of Kurt's mouth for a moment, toes twitching as Kurt's tongue flicks the underside of his cock. Finn whines a little in disappointment when Kurt pushes his hips back gently onto the bed and simultaneously slides the tip of his finger inside.

"Oh god. Kurt, is it- is it supposed to-?" Finn feels Kurt swallow once around his dick, taking him so _deep_and it makes Finn whimper again with so much need as Kurt's finger stills inside him.

"Are you okay?" Kurt slides his finger out. "Finn," Kurt says, Finn feeling Kurt's hand trying to push Finn's own from where it's resting over his covered eyes. "Hey. Talk to me. Are you okay?"

"Yeah? Yeah, I just..."

"Just _what_?" Kurt responds, and his tone is so hot it has Finn's breath hitching all by itself. "Did you want me to stop?"

"No, no, I just... it kinda feels - really _good_?"

Kurt chuckles back at him, and soon he's kissing his way down Finn's body like he was before, then slides his finger inside again, shifting it around and kind of hooking it up. _Woah_. Finn's pretty sure something just exploded in his brain.

"You like that, hm?" Kurt leans down and rubs his tongue slowly along the crease of Finn's thigh. "It's _supposed _to feel good. Why do you think people do it?"

"To, uh... make their boyfriends happy?"

"You are _adorable_," Kurt says, his finger sliding in a little faster. "Mm, you look wonderful like this. Think you can handle more?" Kurt exhales, his breath warm against Finn's skin. "Keep your eyes open. _Please_. I want you to see me, when we do this."

Finally, Finn opens his eyes. Kurt's licking his lips, and his eyes seem to scan down Finn's body until they linger where Kurt's moving his own hand. There's a soft noise coming from the back of Kurt's throat as he works his fingers in deeper, and time just seems to slow as they meet each other's eyes.

Kurt smiles again. "Nice of you to come back to me," he says, "Still good?"

"Oh. Oh, y-yes?"

"You make _way _cuter noises than I'd guessed," Kurt muses.

At that, Finn feels his face warm, feels the flush creep down his chest and he hides behind his arm again. "Shut up."

Snorting, Kurt presses closer, settling against Finn's side and god, the weight and length of Kurt's cock is so warm as it presses against him, heavy and a little distracting through the thin fabric of Kurt's underwear.

"Hey. No Hiding," Kurt says, moving his fingers faster, and how is he so much quieter, so much more composed? "I like your noises, and I like seeing your face."

Finn wrinkles his nose at Kurt's words but peeks out anyway. "You're just, ah, just saying that," he says, and he wonders when and how the hell his voice had gotten so raw, sounded so breathy.

"No. I love it. So fucking _hot_."

Grinning back, Finn lets his arm fall away from his face and wraps it around Kurt's muscled shoulders. He moans into Kurt's mouth a little before pulling him in for a deep kiss. As Finn slides his tongue along Kurt's top lip, Kurt shivers against Finn, rolling his hips up.

"Can you take more?" Kurt says against Finn's lips, hot air prickling Finn's skin there, which is pretty raw from all their kissing.

"God, I, more, definitely more," There's a pause before Kurt takes his fingers out then presses at Finn's opening again, the pressure increasing slowly as Finn tries to focus on his breathing, and not how it'll feel in a moment when Kurt... "Oh fuckfuck _yes_," Finn grinds out, the slight pressure turning into delicious fullness, each tiny hint, each spark of pleasure more pronounced as two of Kurt's fingers slide deep inside him.

"Take it you like that, then," Kurt chuckles a little. "Interesting."

Finn tightens his fingers against Kurt's shoulders, his other hand tight against the sheets. "I - _yes_. Yes, yes. Please. Kurt."

"Please what?" Kurt sing-songs. "I can't know what you want if you don't tell me."

"Move them. Kurt, move them, fucking _please_," Finn whines, rolling his hips to ride Kurt's fingers as best he can. "Kurt, I want... _god_, I want..."

"What? What do you want, Finn. Tell me. Do you want _more_?"

"Um. Maybe?" Finn responds, not sure whether _more _is just Kurt's mouth again, or Kurt's hands, or, well, more. "Do you mean, like..." his voice withers, falling away from him. "Uh...?"

Kurt stills his fingers again, and Finn wriggles down, desperate for more. "Would you like me to be inside you, Finn?" Kurt breathes into his ear. "Fucking you. Is that what you want?"

The word sends a shudder through Finn's body, sounding so primal from Kurt who barely ever _swears _and Finn's dick twitches against his stomach. Kurt seems to search Finn's face for permission, and wordlessly, Finn gives it to him. The pressure and heat against his opening increases and oh god, it feels amazing as Kurt's fingers slide all the way in and his thumb sort of circles the crease of Finn's thigh at the same time.

"Yeah. Soon. If you keep doing this, I'm probably not gonna last. I get sort of sleepy after, and I..." Finn says, as his whole body shakes at the request because he's so turned on, so wanting, but it's Kurt who's in control here. "Kurt, _please_."

"_Yes_," Kurt breathes out. "It feels so good, but you have to relax."

"Okay. Okay, yeah. Relax. We can do this." Finn scrunches his eyes closed, and just lets himself feel. "Not, uh. With your mouth as well. That's too much."

Finn open his eyes again and Kurt's looking sort of proud, and kind of cat-like, and so insanely hot. It's so weird. Not uncomfortable, but weird. Yet Finn's really getting into Kurt fucking him with his fingers, rolling his hips up and down which sort of changes the angle of Kurt's fingers a little, too.

"Please," Finn says, quietly. Kurt's fingers slow a little, then slide out. Finn guesses he's going to remove them completely but instead he shivers, feeling so aching and empty as just the tips are inside before Kurt pumps them back inside. Kurt's biting his lip, and Finn can see for himself how hard Kurt is, the outline of his cock unhidden by his tight cotton underwear. "Kurt," he says, "Kurt, Kurt, I'm so close, so close, _please_."

"Please?" Kurt sort of singsongs at him again. "Please what?"

"I want you inside me so _bad_." Finn's mouth hangs open a little as he pants, still a little shocked that those words came from his mouth. "Stop, stop. You feel so good, but I want your -"

Kurt's fingers still again and Finn whimpers as he finally pulls them out. God, he's so hard he's pretty sure he'll come from one stroke, and Kurt seems to sense that, squeezing Finn's dick tightly at the base.

"How are we gonna, uh... do stuff?" Finn asks. He really wants to look Kurt in the eye when they do this, maybe kiss him too. "You're also kinda overdressed," he points out.

In pretty much a second, Kurt straddles Finn again and whips his loose shirt over his head, leaving him there in just his underwear. Kurt Hummel is naked, but for a pair of tight briefs, writhing on him in his freaking _underwear _and the sight is so gorgeous Finn briefly feels like the luckiest man alive. Reverently, he sweeps his hands down over Kurt's chest, Kurt hissing when Finn's hands brush over his nipples and rest on his stomach.

"That too," Finn says, sliding one hand down to flick at the waistband of Kurt's underwear, and with a reluctant-sounding huff, Kurt climbs off and removes the rest of his clothing, leaving them both there, naked. It's nowhere near as scary or weird as Finn thought it would be.

"Do you have, ah, condoms?" Kurt asks.

"In the drawer," Finn murmurs, and his eyes fly open as he watches Kurt tug at his own dick, which is thick and flushed and leaking at the tip. He scans his eyes up Kurt's body, drinking him in from his muscled shoulders to the curve of his back, and the swell of his ass. He's honestly not sure how the dynamics of gay sex work, really, but he'll be damned if he isn't going to take the chance to tap that one day.

Kurt's eyes roll back in his head a little as he pops the cap on the bottle of lube and squirts what looks like a swimming pool's worth of the stuff in his palm before slicking his dick up with it, using so much it's dripping down onto his balls.

"I can sit back against the pillows," Kurt says, sitting back on the bed and propping himself up, long legs spread out in front. "If you kneel over me, you can set the pace and kiss me. Is that something you'd like?"

Finn nods, and settles on top of Kurt so his thighs are on either side of Kurt's hips. He sort of wriggles a little, and then realizes that it's not just going to go _in_, so he raises his hips and holds Kurt's dick at the base, shifting around until it's pressing at his opening. He breathes out as he leans forward to kiss Kurt, trying to focus on the feeling of Kurt's mouth against his and on how good Kurt's fingers had felt, and how his body was aching to do more.

Slowly, he takes Kurt inside him, wincing a little. Just the tip at first, and it doesn't _hurt_, but it's not entirely comfortable. Kurt groans into his mouth, licking at his lips, then inside, and it's an amazing distraction until he starts to kinda get used to it.

"You look so good like this," Kurt tells him, cupping the side of Finn's face with his hand. "Finn, you feel _amazing_. A little deeper?" he asks, and Finn wills his body to relax as Kurt's dick pushes further inside. "Oh, oh _yes_, that's good."

Moving in, Finn kisses him hard, changing the angle and shifting his hips slowly, carefully, taking in just a little at a time, not quite able to stop his hips moving, even when he pauses to catch his breath, his hips just keep rocking, until woah, his ass is touching Kurt's thighs and Kurt's fully inside him. When he licks at the seam of Kurt's lips, he starts to roll his hips, moving his tongue in time with his thrusts before he pulls away with a groan when Kurt's dick hits something inside him that is so insanely good it kind of makes his vision blur at the edges.

"So deep. So close to me. Oh, Finn, come on, harder," Kurt urges. "Don't hold back. Let me feel you against me."

_Huh_. Kurt's a talker. Finn's instantly going to add that to his list of things about Kurt which are unexpectedly awesome.

"Closer," Kurt groans, his hand tightening on Finn's ass cheek. "Lay down against me."

Finn does, until he's pressed against Kurt's chest, and slides his hand around the back of Kurt's head before resting it on Kurt's cheek tenderly, in contrast to his hard, desperate thrusts. He reaches out with his other hand, placing it flat against the wall and gives Kurt everything.

"Oh, you _really_ like this," Kurt continues, Finn feeling Kurt's fingers sweep up his thighs in a way that's almost ticklish before both of Kurt's hands rest on Finn's ass, spreading him apart a little until he's even _deeper_.

"Feels so good," Finn murmurs. He stills his hips, feeling Kurt's fingertips lightly squeeze into his flesh. Suddenly, Kurt's hands grab hold of his ass until Kurt's pretty much doing the moving for him and scattering kisses across Finn's face. Finn tugs at Kurt's hair maybe a little too tightly and the movement makes Kurt clench Finn's ass cheeks harder.

God, Finn wants to do this forever. The closeness is unlike anything he could imagine; he's close enough to bury his face in the crook of Kurt's shoulder, breathing in his scent so he can make sure he never forgets it, never forgets _this_. His erection had faded a little when Kurt was first inside him, but now Kurt's pretty much pressing against his prostate with every thrust, getting the right angle, and Finn can sort of shift his body up a little and down and rub his dick against the softness of the skin on Kurt's stomach. He really, really doesn't want this to end and pulls back, until only the very tip of Kurt's dick is inside. He breathes through his nose, trying to hold on.

Kurt seems to wince a little, probably because the air's cold on his skin, but when Finn slides back onto Kurt's dick in one fluid movement, he's shocked by the noise Kurt makes, a choked sort of high, musical moan that makes Finn's dick twitch from where it's pressed between their bodies. It's so amazing to tease that noise out of Kurt that Finn repeats the motion until Kurt's cheeks are flushed dark red, and he's lifting his head up and biting down on Finn's shoulder to muffle the noises he's making.

"No," Finn says, cupping Kurt's cheek. "I love it. _Fuck_, I-" Finn presses kisses along Kurt's jaw, and neck, stopping to half whisper in his ear, "I really, kinda love _you_."

Kurt makes a loud noise that Finn doesn't know the word for, but it must be a happy one, because Kurt's talking a lot and doing that whole grabbing-Finn-and-fucking-him-relentlessly thing which makes it really hard to focus on the exact words, even though Finn can get the general meaning through the fuzzy haze of awesome, happy, full, pleasure-mess that is his brain. He's pretty sure what Kurt's saying boils down to he loves him back, a lot, and he really just wants to float in the way that _that _on top of everything else makes him feel, but he's suddenly really close to coming right then which kills that idea, while still being a pretty great thing.

"Yeah, I'm -" Finn starts to try to warn Kurt, bending his hand behind his back again to reach for Kurt's, which is still squeezing Finn's ass. The movements seems to pull them together, like they're working as one. "Oh _god_, that's so good, so good. I'm sorry, I... I can't..."

"Do it," Kurt groans. "_Please_." It's the slightly desperate wanting in the 'please' that gets him. Kurt wants him, and loves him and he feels so full and good and right he's not really sure how he can hold it all, before he realizes well he really can't, because he's coming crazy fucking hard while riding Kurt's dick and making his silly 'oh, oh, oh' sounds in Kurt's ear. Kurt doesn't seem to mind though, from the way his dick is kinda... God, _twitching _is the best word for it, which sounds kinda funny and feels really awesome, if not in the same way as everything did right before.

"Kurt? Are you, um, close?"

"Yes." Kurt sort of hisses it from between his teeth, prompting Finn to plant slightly sloppy kisses all over his neck.

"Please Kurt? You- I want you to- to come too. Do it. Please?" Finn says; he sounds kinda like an echo, he knows, but it's what he wants, and he doesn't really know another way to say it then to just... say it.

Kurt groans, and Finn guesses Kurt's feeling it, squeezing hard around his dick because at that Kurt pumps his hips up hard, then they stutter up, weakly as he gasps into Finn's mouth, sliding his own mouth across then biting down on Finn's earlobe and kissing weakly at his jaw.

Finn doesn't _actually_ pass out as he holds the base of Kurt's dick and slowly pulls off - which, ow, hurts a lot more than the actual sex did - but his brain pretty much can't comprehend anything other than _wow, sex with Kurt is awesome_. He glances at his alarm clock and it's nearly two in the morning. Weirdly, after a whole summer of time slowing to some sticky, infinite crawl, everything sort of sped up all of a sudden. Kurt's still fighting to catch his breath a little, and Finn wraps his brother in his arms as they both shake a little, easing each other through the afterglow.

It's sticky and a little unpleasant, and after a moment or two, Kurt pulls away, wrinkling his nose a little. There's a displeased grunt as Finn assumes Kurt's snapping the condom away, and he watches Kurt's body as he walks on slightly shaky legs to Finn's en-suite bathroom. Finn's pretty exhausted, but he doesn't miss the opportunity to take in the lines of Kurt's shoulders, and the dimples just above his butt. Considering Kurt came pretty hard if the flush over his chest was any indication, he's amazingly elegant for a naked dude.

Finn hears a flush, and then there's a little bit of a wait as he hears Kurt washing his hands, and god, Finn doesn't exactly regret it but what the _hell _did they just do?

"Well hello there," Kurt says, smoothly, his profile appearing first before he walks back into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. He's wearing his shirt again, which he must have picked up from the floor on his way to the bathroom, hair a little less sex ruffled, and he smells strongly of Finn's hand soap. "So. I should probably get back to my room?"

_Fuck_. Does Kurt regret this? God, maybe he does. There are so many more questions Kurt looks like he wants to ask Finn, things like, "_when did you start noticing me_?" or, "_can this be something more_?" or even, "_why is your bathroom mirror so small_?" Finn doesn't really have the answers to those, just like he doesn't really have the answers for anything else.

It looks like Kurt's splashed water over his face, and his thighs look really good and Finn wants to touch the skin there, and _yeah_, Finn really, really wants to kiss Kurt again. But then, he doesn't want to ask if it's a one-time thing, because he doesn't want it all to be over.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Kurt asks, and Finn looks at the wall. "Finn," he says, voice firm. "You could have stopped. At any time, you could have said if I -"

Finn springs up off the bed and walks over to Kurt. "You don't regret that? I thought you-" he moves forward to wrap his arms around Kurt, but then remembers he has come on his stomach and Kurt probably wouldn't appreciate that. "Don't go back to your room, and..." Finn mumbles.

"You want me to stay here tonight?"

"Please," Finn says, reaching for Kurt's hand and holding it tightly in his. "I want you to stay here. Just for tonight," Finn exhales. "And then maybe tomorrow night. And maybe, uh, kind of a few nights in a hotel in New York that's a bit fancier than the ones I'm used to from Georgia. Um," he gestures to the bathroom door. "I'll be back in a sec."

Finn cleans himself up, and when he's back, Kurt's already curled up in Finn's old bed. He's on his side, one arm flung out over the sheets.

"As far as it will go," Finn says to himself, remembering Kurt's words from earlier. "Huh," he murmurs, as he walks over to the bed and joins Kurt, curling an arm around Kurt's waist as he buries his nose into Kurt's skin and just breathes in his scent. It's so nice; familiar. Which is weird, because after what they've done, everything should be exciting and new. The sex stuff _was_, but the stuff that's happened after kind of isn't. It feels like a natural progression, like perhaps they should have been close in _this_ way for a lot longer and that he's always kind of _loved _Kurt in a way that's pretty different from the way he's ever loved someone platonically.

"What'cha thinking?" Kurt mumbles lightly into the pillow.

"I dunno, really," Finn responds. "That I'm just... happy. There's no bad stuff on my mind for the first time in... ever. Relaxed. Kinda sleepy, too." He wriggles a little closer. "You?"

"Pretty good, yes," Kurt says through a yawn. "I'm happy, too."

"Oh, good. 'Cause like, me too. Happy that is. Um. Yeah." Kurt chuckles softly, pulling them closer together until their limbs are all tangled up with each other, which makes Finn smile and relax. They don't really talk anymore after that, just laying together and listen to each other breathe until Kurt falls asleep, and then it's just Finn watching him. As Finn drifts off too, he thinks maybe he might be a step closer to where he really belongs.


End file.
